[EDIT] the affiliate form should be working again, so if you want to apply please do so [/EDIT]

OK so I’m having bandwith problems so if the site goes down in the next few days then you know why. I don’t know why it’s gone so high I’ve never used up my entire bandwith before, not that I can remember anyway. I’m at 80% at this point so I won’t be surprised if it goes down sometime soon so just an FYI.

So tell me. If you had a choice. Would you go on a 3/4 days cruise or just take a “normal” trip? I’m trying to decide. I was thinking about surprising my mom with a cruise maybe to Mexico or to the Bahamas. A 3/4 day cruise wont set me back much, actually it’s a lot cheaper then I thought it would be so I think it would be an awesome gift. Or, maybe a trip somewhere in general. I don’t know. She’s always wanted to go on a cruise so I’m leaning a bit in that direction.

I’m not sure if I mentioned it but I FINALLY paid off all of my outstanding tickets LOL thank goodness. It was stressing me out. I had to go down to the traffic court which was an interesting process in the least. I shall spare you the gory details but let me say I was in line with a wonderful couple who I’d bet everything I own would have had “relations” right then and there if it was possible.. or even if the armed police weren’t there haha. eww.

So, I’m trying my hardest not to be offended by my friends (not those of you who are online buddies) because it just seems as everyday passes, yet another one fails to consider me in one way or another. I don’t know if I am being extra sensitive or defensive but I do know that I, more then ever, am feeling left out and not cared about. I just have to laugh about it cause otherwise I’d be seriously sad. I don’t know. I think I must be really needy or clingy right now because I just hate the current circumstances. No one once asked me if I was OK with all the stuff with my grandma. No one cared to ask if I wanted to go to the party. No one emailed me all the pictures. He didn’t email me (but everyone else he did) from his trip (even after I emailed him trying to find out if he was OK and safe, it is dangerous out there, and THAT was proven..). No one told me or asked me if I was going to go to the meeting. I didn’t get an apology even after I was proven correct; in fact I got further chastised for a simple language blunder and even then I still got nothing! I didn’t get an “are you OK” when I mentioned I was going to stop doing something pretty important in my life. I was told my time spent with someone wouldn’t be nearly as fun as it would be when with others. I was told I deserved for him to be grumpy with me cause I have a bad attitude. I was told I should be happy people even call me. Yeah… time and time again I just find myself annoyed by it all. I just often wonder if maybe it’s all in my head, Ive tried to convince myself that it is but I can’t help but think I am being unappreciated. It’s an internal battle that I can’t seem to break. I hate to sound manipulative, but I think it’s time to find out who is the real deal! and this time I’m not going to be so easy. I am slowly getting angry so action needs to be taken. At what cost? maybe most of the people who are “friends” but oh well. That’s life. Everyone is about to be shut out and whether they truly like it or not they will have to prove themselves or it’s done. Plain and simple. It’s a bitchy (pardon the French lol) thing to do but in the same breath those who are real with me will keep it straight and those who aren’t, are not worth it. Let’s just hope I can keep to this. With all the changes I desire to make in my life now I NEED to keep to it. I’m sure I’ll be crying the blues and depressed on here soon enough but as I said, oh well, that’s life. Let the crap begin…

Wow, I am not usually phased by many things. I am an emotional person, but I can almost always hold my own. Yet, I must say I was TOTALLY saddened to hear of Heath Ledger’s death. I was totally shocked. Not that I was a fan or anything. I’m not a big movie fan so I rarely ever am a fan of anyone famous for acting, but this was a shock and I’m really sad by it. I guess, it’s because of 2 things. One, there is a little girl who wont be able to know her father. Knowing that feeling all to well, I can understand that it is going to be very difficult. Not to mention his family and friends. It’s ALWAYS sad when someone is lost. Two, in a world filled with so much excess in today’s “modern” Hollywood, it was actually nice to see someone YOUNG, who although imperfect, with their share of mistakes and stupid moves, take responsibility for what he should have, and just continue to try and do his work - hone his talent, so to speak. He seemed like a genuinely nice guy all around, sure he had his issues, but who doesn’t. He seemed like he just did his job and lived his life. He didn’t do much to try and clamour for publicity. No need for shock tactics or living in the drama-filled fast lane. I’m sure there is more to the story, there always is, but I don’t know. I’m not sure of the circumstances behind it all, having saw the news, there are many “rumours” going around as to what it is. A sad “mistake” is how his family is addressing it, and if that does turn out to be the case then that is one horrible, horrible tragedy. I think it goes to show the fragility of life and how much pressure there is on these people to live up to and be ON 24/7! It breaks my heart. Nonetheless, someone unfortunately lost their life and even worse a family, friends and a little baby must go on without someone so important to their lives. Ya’ll never, EVER, forget the simple and precious gift life is. Because as easy as it can be given, so can be taken away. YOU mean so much to SOMEONE and never EVER assume that you won’t be missed. Remember none of us are given exemption, always think smart, and think of those around you. It’s really all so sad.