OK, SO…

[EDIT] New layout! I love it. Thanks to whoever made it lol. I also added the music player up there *points up* Two songs are a must listen (yes its all of my two David’s lol) #1 “And So It Goes - David Archuleta” and #2 “For the First Time Ever I Saw Your Face- David Cook” honourable mention “Hello” and “Billie Jean” by DC and “Stand By Me” and “Love Me Tender” DA… enjoy, I know I am lol! [/EDIT]

I haven’t been the best blogger on the block. Yeah, sorry. Truthfully, I just haven’t felt the blogging desire. Not that I haven’t been up to anything. I just find it hard to write anything when there is no real desire. I need a reason. Nonetheless, lame excuses aside. I hope all of you have been well and good. As for me, well, it’s been cool.

I just came back from Vegas. It was a lot of fun. I got to see many sites and enjoyed lots of sounds… and alcohol.. lol! I was there a few days but thursday night brought about a joyful drinking session, I must admit. It ended far to fast and unfortunately, I am now home and back to the same ole routine. I have to say though, I was actually quite happy to come back home. I just about died with all the cigarette smoke and overall excessiveness of the place as a whole. I’ve never seen so many images of women and their boobs hanging out at me; or even staring up at me lol. All those lovely little “business cards” were strewn about the city streets just waiting to be “picked up” (in more ways then one). I’m usually not fazed by much, and I do recall seeing a few on my last visit, but admittedly, this was simply disgusting. I think a comment someone made, a young kid in fact, summed it up best. He said: “Mom look (points to a half dressed woman on an airport poster) you know you arrived in Vegas when you see THAT.” I couldn’t agree more. Kids.. they say the HONEST things.

So, I’ve been caught up in the end of American Idol hype. It’s actually amazing to me how tangled up in the evil web of pictures, message boards, videos and mp3s that I’ve been. I can’t believe my insatiable need to know everything!! Weeeell, some things admittedly I wish I didn’t lol! I must have really needed something to be excited about. Apparently, I found it. I came home today to find my ticket to the concert sitting in my mail box. Oh yes, I am going. Oh yes, I am throughly EXCITED! I admit it, at the ripe ole age of 25, I am COMPLETELY excited to go see AMERICAN IDOL (conveniently, presented by POPTARTS lol) I can’t even deny it. I’ve been completed enchanted by all the hyper surrounding Mr. David Cook as well as my boy Little David Archuleta (he probably hates being called little but I just want to squeeze him). I’m curious to see and hear them both in person. I have to be honest though, I’m a little scared. I’m a 25 year old adult (but so is Mr Cook.. grrarrrw) who is finding herself at a POPTARTS concert and I’m also a 25 year old adult who is LIABLE to shed tears if David Archuleta sings “Imagine.” Deep within I’m hoping he does, for the simple fact that it’s a BEAUTIFUL version of the song. Yet, deep within I’m hoping he doesn’t because I KNOW I’m going to end up looking a mess because I couldn’t contain the emotion of his singing that song. Trust me. It’s happened already lol. I found myself going through a playlist of his songs. “Another day In Paradise” followed by “Imagine” and one of my all time favourite songs EVER “Stand By Me” left me bawling like a kid who just dropped his ice cream. I do NOT know what was wrong with me but sure enough, I was down for the count and I hate to admit it but I’m a willing loser. sigh…

Being in Vegas helped me to further dive head first in to the reality that I’m totally loveless. If you ever want to be depressed about not having love or a love interest, then that’s the place to be. I hate the fact that I so easily find myself envying all the LURVE in the air. Yet, there I was, watching couple after couple pass by. Most younger then me (digging the knife even deeper.) I’ve always been one, that although deep inside I yearn for love, I’m able to contain the outward disappointment at my lack of loveablity - but now, it’s not working so well. I guess old age for me means less stiff upper lip and more pouty lol (bit of a conundrum, eh?) So, I’ve decided in my mind to figure out exactly makes me undesirable. I tend to try and receive all the kind compliments on my personality and “friendship ability” to heart after all those are the qualities that matter, right? RIGHT!?! Hmm…. it’s not working. Yeah, OK. It’s totally not working. Somehow “You are a great listener” isn’t quite as erm.. ego-soothing as “Man your hot!” SUPERFICIAL ALERT. I know, I know, I know; let me be smart about this, and I will… eventually, but for right now I’m on a mission. I just want to sell out to the idea of “barbie” transforming myself into all those superficial ideals that I hear spewing out the mouth of my #1 dude. My goal is to see how much external differences change the mind frame, and once I succeed, you better know the &^@% is gonna fly.

This shall be interesting..

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